ne'er-do-well

London Calling.

I recieved a job offer in London today.

Everything is falling into place. My passport came in early, I found cheap flights… All thats left is obtaining funds and a visa…

I think a lot of people dont believe I will actually do this. Myself included. But I want to so badly. When I think of everything I would get to see and do there.. it just makes me heart stop with excitement.

I just wish more than anything my parents could just be happy for me. Or at least pretend to be. This is hard enough without their blessing. They think I am running.

Am I? Am I running away from my life here, or lack thereof? Away from failed love? Away from all my failures for that matter? I mean, my life is pretty much shambles here. “The plan” was discarded a long time ago as my dad so pointedly reminded me tonight. Ugh. Maybe I am just running. But maybe not away from my old life. Maybe its to my new one.

How many times do I really need to start over before I get it right though? This will be my 6th “fresh start” to try and sort out my mess of a life. Maybe a new country is what I need. But if I cant get it right here, what makes me think I can over there?

When I moved to the city, it was one of the craziest years of my life. And even though I didnt have much money or anything, I will always think of it as pretty much the best year of my life. I wouldnt take it back or regret it for a minute. That first spring and summer were just unforgettable. But what did it get me? Some new friends, crazy stories and great memories- yes… A future? No.

There are some things here that I will miss dearly. Some people that still hold on to pieces of my heart that I desparately need back before I leave. There are doors I need to close and windows I need to shut before I can take this giant LEAP.

Really what I hope is that I can do something my parents will be proud of. This is something I have dreamed of my entire life. And I am making it come true. How many people can honestly say they are following through with their childhood dreams? Nothing ever seems to be good enough, no matter how excited I am about something I have done or am doing I still feel like it is met with the same level of enthusiasm- mediocre.

Im not sure if that will ever change.

I hope so.

London here I come.

Happiness.

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them they didn’t understand life

A Little Sad Tonight..

So I have been sitting in a fridgid cold Subway using the internet for a few hours now.. and before that I was at the argo tea cafe.

Im not sure why tonight I feel so down…

I need some cheering up.

WiFi

And why is it called that anyways?


I am now forced to sit in different locations around Chicago to check up on the world that I am now so detached from in my tiny little apt.

I like it.

It forces me out and about and I get to try new teas at the same time! Well today I went with an old favorite.. Chai.

Seth just left after another visit, it was sad to see him go but I think we all had a really good weekend. I broke my foot as well as 2 cameras though… haha